I don’t know what to say. I really don’t. How do you greet someone who’s dead?
What are you supposed to say?
‘Oh, condolences on your unfortunate demise, Mrs Ainsley, but I do hope we’ll be seeing you at Bingo later!’
‘I understand you’re feeling a bit blue today, Mr Harrison, due mainly to the fact that you are recently deceased, but please, don It just mope around all day! Do familiarise yourself with the place, take a walk around the complex, introduce yourself to people. Bear in mind though, supper is served promptly at 7:30 and it’s steak night tonight! You wouldn’t want to miss that.’
Well, hello there. Have you been told yet? No? I guess, then, the duty falls on me. I should introduce myself. Welcome to life after death. I’m Stephen, and I’ll be your host. It’s my first day here. In fact, you’re my first client. Hey, I guess that’s kind of a big deal, really.
Sorry, is that a bit inappropriate? You know, considering that I’ve just broken it to you that you’re dead? In all honesty, I’m not really doing a very good job of it, am I? Humans aren’t the biggest fans of dying. In fact, you seem to spend your whole lives trying to avoid it. Actually, I’ve not thought about ow it might affect you. I suppose it really put a crimp on your week, didn’t it? Dying? Hmm. Yes. I suppose it would.
Well, ifs not all bad. I mean, it could be better, I’ll grant you that. But it could be worse, too. You could be alive, not knowing when it’s coming, not knowing when you’ll kick the bucket. At least that’s over and done, with.
I haven’t really explained it very well. Yes. Well. Um… you’re dead. I suppose you’ve figured that out by now, considering I keep repeating it. Sorry about that. This is where you’ll be spending the next few days, months, or years. Who knows how long? You’ll be here until it is decided upon where you are to spend the rest of eternity: with winged angelic beings dressed in white, wearing halos and carrying harps; or roasting in fiery pits of hatred and evil with horns, claws and vampiric fangs. This place is called The Rift Complex (you know, like the Rift between Heaven and Hell), but most people call it Limbo Land.
Here’s a leaflet.
‘Welcome to The Rift Complex. I hope you enjoy your stay here, whilst you wait for Judgement Day. Your host (that’s me, hello) will guide you for your first few days until you get used to this new environment. You’ll need some time to adapt to being dead, and you’ll find a whole host of services here, a t The Rift to help you settle in to your new self. If you have any questions, concerns, or requirements, feel free to ask.‘
Ok. Well, that’s that. Let me show you to your room.