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WW1 and WW2

WW1 and WW2

Keir Shearsmith



The Balkans are all playing together nicely until Austria and Hungary come up and start harassing them. The two brothers, recently eleven, decide to show off their superiority to the Balkans and randomly push over Bosnia.

The brothers view themselves as superior to the Balkans and don’t expect any reaction from them.  However, an enraged Serbia takes a stone and throws it at Austria, making his eyebrow bleed. Hungary swiftly grabs Serbia and is about to punch him when the huge Russia, a cousin of Serbia who has the brothers terrified, tells him to stop. Hungary and Austria start to back down, surrounded by a menacing Russia and the Balkans friendship group. The brothers appeal to their friend Germany, surprisingly vicious despite his size. Germany tells Russia to mind his own business. France, upon hearing this, drops out of the tree he has been climbing and stares menacingly at Germany from under his beret. France is a friend of Russia’s and is always eager to fight Germany. His father, French Empire, and Germany’s father, Prussia, have fought each other in this exact same park.

By this point, Germany realises that he is in a mess and executes a poorly thought-out plan to take down France before Russia can do anything. Germany rapidly tackles France. Meanwhile Turkey gets up from behind Germany, tells Germany, Austria and Hungary that he is behind them and then sits down again and does nothing. Austria and Hungary repeatedly kick Russia while Serbia boos from the side-lines.

Just then the Empire Gang, composed of Britain, South Africa, Australia, Scotland, Canada, India, New Zealand and Newfoundland, arrives and tries to aid France, who is being punched by Germany. France and the Empire Gang co-ordinate an attack against Germany. Italy comes out of nowhere and slams Turkey into a tree, just as America wakes from his sleep behind a bush, and attacks Austria and Hungary.

With all opponents defeated, the ‘Allies’, as they now refer to themselves, agree that Germany is to blame. So they begin rifling through Germany’s pockets while, unnoticed by all, Russia slips off to dye his hair red and gold.


Germany and the newly hair-dyed Russia are chatting about money next to the tree, when they see Poland on the bench. Poland is new to the area. They exchange a look before going to sit next to him. France and Britain watch from the wall, while Italy, Austria and Hungary move to stand near the tree. Germany demands the chocolate bar that Poland is about to eat. Poland reluctantly hands it over, before being pushed off the bench by Russia.

Britain, who thinks he and France are policemen, shouts a warning at Germany but takes no other action. Germany continues to harass Poland. Poland looks to Russia for support and Britain and France run over.

Russia punches Poland as Germany shoves him over. Germany and Russia push Britain and France as Italy and Hungary crouch behind them. Russia slaps Finland for no reason and then cheers as Britain and France crash to the ground. Finland surprises everyone by grabbing some stones, chucking them at Russia and kicking him in the shins. Italy and Germany dump Finland in the pond before taking it in turns to kick Britain and France. Russia continues to complain in the background until an irate Germany turns around and punches him. Britain uses this as a chance to escape and leaps over the wall, abandoning France and throwing pebbles at Germany, Hungary, Austria and Italy. The Balkans Playgroup watch all this with interest.

Germany continues to beat Russia, until America comes rolling down the hill punching an out-matched Japan. Bored of poking China, Japan had poked America, who was asleep. America now slams Japan against a tree before helping Russia hurt Germany. Britain comes back, helps France up and together they sort out Austria, Italy and Hungary. Germany is knocked unconscious, Austria and Hungary are thrown into the pond and Italy runs off. America runs around bragging about winning the fight on his own until he remembers Japan, who he throws into the pond and then drops into the sand pit.


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