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Mission: Ancient Escape

Mission: Ancient Escape

Emily Baker


Pensioner number 28104. Of course this isn’t really how they’re labelled, but it might as well be. Sybil’s only crime was slipping on ice and already she faced a life sentence. They all did. With mushy meals and night time curfews, it’s no surprise that many of the oldies had already started to lose their marbles. But Sybil wouldn’t stand for it. Although her face was no longer smooth, her heart was still young and free; even if she currently wasn’t. She had a plan. All she needed was a mobility scooter and a cunning set of fellow ninjas. Well, maybe not ninjas. But at least some witty pensioners armed with deadly knitting needles and a toxic cookie. I’m talking about “Ashgrove House for the Elderly”

Mission: Ancient Escape. That was Sybil’s plan. She’d only been at the old peoples’ home for three weeks and had already found four fellow conspirators. Winnie, John, Cecil and Joan. They’d set the date (tomorrow) the time (6pm) and were ready to go go go!

It was 5:59pm the next day and the team were all set up.

“In 1 minute, Nurse Astrid will walk through that door,” Sybil said, a fierce determination in her eye. “Joan, do you have the weapon?”

“Aye aye, captain.”

“Let’s go!”

Nurse Astrid marched through the door and slapped a plate of slop in front of each pensioner.

“Here,” grunted Nurse Astrid gruffly .

“We baked you something,” Cecil said innocently, holding up a gooey, irresistible, triple chocolate chip cookie.

“Don’t mind if I do!” said the Nurse, her mood suddenly picking up. She bit into the sweet biscuit. “Very ni…” she fell to the floor, drugged by the toxic cookie!

The oldies cheered in success and raced to the front door.

“All that stands between us and escaping, is that heavy oak door and that stainless steel lock,” said Cecil, beginning to lose hope of ever leaving this care home hell.

“Let me see.” Joan pulled her needles from her handbag and jabbed them in the lock, jiggling them around until they heard a click, and the door swung open.

“YES!” exclaimed John “We’re moments from freedom!” He began to hobble to the line of mobility scooters (that John and Cecil had painted black to match their ninja feel).

“Wait!” cried Winnie. “Leave without me.”

“Why Winnie?” asked Sybil.

“Yes, we should never leave a man– or woman – behind,” exclaimed Cecil, saluting (he had fought in the war).

“Well, it was fun escaping with you, but Corries on now, then Emmerdale and Holby. I have my soaps to think of!” The other four glanced at each other.

“OK!” answered John. “Nice knowing you!” Winnie hobbled back inside, leaving the others to flee from the nursing home.

On their scooters the gang of renegade pensioners left down the road at four miles an hour.

“OK,” thought Sybil “We may not escape for long but it was fun while it lasted; and we can always try again next week!”