In My Defence
In my defence, I was particularly hungry that day, though I would have preferred a tastier meal than the one I was forced to eat. The milkman had stopped delivering to my address – apparently I was too far off the beaten track. I couldn’t make pancakes so I had to look further afield for food.
I live deep in the heart of the forest so life’s not easy – there are no supermarkets. There used to be a village here but as soon as my neighbours got to know me, they moved on. I am not anti-social so maybe it’s something to do with my rather wild appearance.
Anyway, I began my search early. Sounds bounced off the trees like tennis balls. Birdsongs entered my ears and flew around my head. I was strolling down the path when a divine smell caressed my nostrils. Was it the aroma of freshly baked bread or the scent of a delicious cake? I was overjoyed. Not only did this mean there was a delicacy nearby, it also meant I wasn’t completely isolated. I instantly veered off the track and allowed my nose to lead me onwards. My taste buds zinged in anticipation and saliva escaped from my gaping mouth.
I caught a glimpse of a little hut perched on a hill. This had to be the source! I dashed up and peeked through the kitchen window. That huge pie was a wonderful sight. But I was distracted by a shrieking elderly lady being chased round the table by mice. I was so shocked by this scene that my rather large mouth fell open and stayed open. The next thing I knew, the poor lady had dived head first through the window straight into my mouth! Mouthwash would have been useless against that terrible taste!
Well, a meal as nasty as that made me so ill I had to lie down in the lady’s bed. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, a girl in a crimson coat entered the bedroom. After taking a long look at me and mumbling a few things I couldn’t quite hear (probably something along the lines of Grandma not looking herself) she jumped to a conclusion. “You ate my granny, you monster!” she screamed, and then she leapt at me.
I am not a big fan of children, especially ones who attack me, so I opened my mouth wide and I screamed too. Not surprisingly, that meal was no better than the first one.
Unfortunately, a passing lumberjack witnessed this, kicked down the door and came at me with his chainsaw. What a cheek!
The rest of my day was a bit of a blur though I do remember the police dragging me off and shoving me into a van.
So, there you have it. I am completely innocent. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Just for the record, pork is my favourite food, but that’s another story…