The Life of Marmite
Ismaeel Hussain
Hello! My name is Marmite, but my enemies call me Never Bought. Can you guess why? Yes, I’m just never picked. I’m in aisle three with Peanut Butter, Jam and Honey.
Can you stop talking, Mr. Never Bought? Someone is coming.
Oh, why don’t you be quiet, Mr. Honey. You think you’re better than everybody else.
Well, certainly nobody likes you because half of your family are still here. And the other half have expired while my family of Honey are off and sitting in the premium place of a cupboard waiting to be spread onto some crispy crunchy toast.
Well, Mr. Honey, we will see because I’m on a discount today. PB, how are you feeling?
I’m feeling sick and I’m going to expire within the next few minutes. Please give me your blessing and I will see you in the afterlife with all of the other brothers and sisters we have lost.
Here she comes! Please pick me, please pick me!
There goes Jam and I hated him. PB. PB? Nooooo! PB. Why did you leave us so soon? Well, that’s enough acting. Now there is less competition for me. Now it’s between me and Honey. Oh, what’s that noise? Kids screaming down the supermarket aisles drives me up the wall. I need to get out of here. Oh, wait, no! Don’t pick him, not another Honey being picked.
Hey Marmite, guess you won’t be missing your Marmy since you won’t be going anywhere, haha. Wait, what? Why have you turned back towards the shelf? Don’t put me back, don’t leave me here with him.
Haha, to be picked and then put back, how embarrassing. Yes, they are coming for me. Don’t pick him. It’s not looking sweet for you now, is it Honey?
Can’t believe Marmite has been picked over Honey…