Nikita Olsen (Norway)
I just can’t stop thinking about you. About the summer we spent together, which felt far too short. The nights we spent on the beach under the open sky. I’m still thinking about how it felt to hold your hand for the first time, and how it felt when I finally let you kiss me. I still haven’t told anyone about what happened between us.
I’m afraid. The terror of what other people will think is unbearable. It is so constant and huge that I no longer know what to do with myself. I wish you were here with me now. Strawberry and vanilla. That’s what you smelled of last time I met you. Every time I go into the makeup shop I look for your perfume. It’s a cliché, I know, but it’s all I have left of you. So you’ll just have to put up with the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic.
My life has collapsed. Ruined. It’s all your fault. Everyone knows about us now. What I am. Why did you have to come and mess everything up? I was happy with who I was before you appeared. Now my friends don’t want to speak to me. My parents can’t look me in the eye any more. I’m living in shame because of you. You changed me without asking for permission. I hate you.
I’m so sorry about my last letter. I could never hate you. To be honest you are the only one keeping me going these days. You’re like a mountain I can steady myself on. It’s still hard. I’m trying not
to think too much about you and me, but focus on school instead. My only wish is for a little understanding and for other people to just look out for themselves and let me live in peace.
It happened again today. The looks, whispers and judgements. Same old thing. People look at me as if I’m from another planet. An alien maybe, definitely not human. I’m pretty sure I would get fewer looks if I were an alien. Sometimes I wish I was. I could leave on a spaceship for another planet. I would take you with me so we could at last be together without all this attention. That would be something, wouldn’t it? How does Mars sound?
Thank you for all the letters. I understand you. You must never be ashamed of who you are and who you chose to love. Love is love. That’s something some people have trouble understanding. You are not alone and I will always be there for you. I know it’s hard right now, but you mustn’t let anyone break you. You are the most fantastic girl I’ve ever met. The world should realise that there is space for difference. Differences are important because they make us all unique, but also alike.