Internal Monologue – Embarrassment

Oh god. Complete and utter humiliation. I can never go to school again. I’ll have to wear a bag over my head. Oh no, I’m blushing… Did anyone see?

They all saw.

That’s it; I’m never going out again. Why am I so awkward?

Oh god, someone’s laughing. Well, of course they would.

Oh god. I’m moving schools. I’m leaving the planet.

Hello, Mars. This must be what death by embarrassment feels like.

Never again. This is the worst thing I’ve ever done. Wow. Why is it always me?

My face is flushing. Red, vermillion, scarlet, cherry, brick, blood, rose, ruby, scarlet. If I cover my face, they’ll know I’m blushing. If I don’t, they’ll see that I’m blushing.

Why must you punish me, oh mighty god of embarrassment?!

Is there even a god of embarrassment? I bet that guy is a total bully.

Or maybe he’s mortified all the time. Either way, I bet he isn’t fun to be around.

Now I’m spacing out! They’re all still looking at me. I bet I look really stupid.

Has my hairband fallen out? I bet my trousers are ripped too. My tie’s probably unclipped itself and I haven’t noticed. Something else to make this situation worse.

It’s always me. If there isn’t a god of embarrassment, they’ll start worshipping me as one. I might as well have grown wings for all they’re staring!

Oh god. I bet I’ve grown wings.

How cool would it be to have wings? I read somewhere that they’d have to have a wingspan of three times your height to be able to lift you. My wings would be 471 centimetres. That’d be awesome.

Well, if I had those wings (which I don’t, because the universe clearly exists only to humiliate me) then I could fly away from this embarrassing situation (but I can’t) and never speak to these people again.

I could leave civilisation. If I live on Mars, there’s no people to be embarrassed by. There’s no oxygen either, and right now that sounds ideal.

Whyisitalwaysmeicanneverreturnhereihavetogohomeimmediatelyohgodhelpme.

Knowing me, there would be someone on Mars to embarrass me. Some snooty astronaut would use up all of his fancy oxygen from watching me and laughing. Although I suppose, that’d be embarrassing for him, too.

Why am I even debating going to Mars? I’ll never go to space.

Even my own mind is embarrassing. Thank god there’s no telepathics around here. I would drop down dead if there were.

Shouldn’t have said that. I bet there’s a telepath here, someone who’s laughing their socks off at me and my stupid thoughts. I’m so socially inept. I’m just inept. I swear, I need lessons on how to be normal. Lessons on how to not be so awkward and embarrassing.

Do they even do those? I’d go.

(Turns out, there is a god of embarrassment. Maybe if I burn an offering to Anuflac, he’ll spare me.)

What did I do, you ask?

Pfft. No way I’m telling you that. You’ll laugh.


Kacie Clifton

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